3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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