I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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