There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
