i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
