Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
