I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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