so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Buhtt sex?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
