i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
