hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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