Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He passed out mid-signature
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
