I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
