I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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