bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
