I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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