if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
