I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
