i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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