my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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