Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
