Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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