My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
