Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
high people should be assigned attendants
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
