sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
