I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
