remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
