Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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