i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
