didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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