he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
