Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Floor bacon is actually really good
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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