thus making me awesome and them whores
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Randomize
