I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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