Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
