The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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