i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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