My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
