I just made out with a guy for $7.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
