I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
