Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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