Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
