i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
