the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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