I need to stop coming to work sober
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
