somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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