Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
