The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize