My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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