They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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