i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Found your dick twin last night
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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