hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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