Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
