so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
