Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
